falling

Hey. It's March.
When did that happen?

2011 is already much different than 2010. We're only two months in, but I can tell. It feels different for starters. Its most likely because, in 2010, I was coming off one of the favorite years of all my 22. And thus, last year I fell. And I fell a long way. I fortuanatly had some support beams to keep me from tumbling too far, from plunging into the darkness. However, I spent the year down there and it was dark.

So, this year began. Those beams preventing me from penetrating further in the darkness (dirty, i know) have given way to the weight of my pressing free fall. I'm grateful that I had those supports for as long as I did. But now, as I fall, I'm scrapping the walls of this hole, trying to find something to grap onto.

I just hope I don't land in Tim Burton's Wonderland, cause THAT would truly be a nightmare.

Enough

The title 'Enough' is not referring to the Jennifer Lopez movie, in which she kicks her ex-husbands ass. No, the title is actually something that I am not. Its something I have never been. And its taken me alost 23 years to realize it. I'm not enough.

I'm not smart enough
not funny enough
not good looking enough
not lucky enough
not a good enough dancer
not a good enough singer
not a good enough artist
not athletic enough
not Mormon enough
not not-Mormon enough
not happy enough
not wild enough
not confident enough
not strong enough
not friend enough...

The list of my ineptitudes is neverending. I'm sorry to everyone who has to deal with me that I am not enough. I think I'm gonna stop trying. I can't seem to succeed and repetative faliure is not really awesome. So...later

My Best Picture Ballot

The Oscar nominations have been announced. I finished Winter's Bone this morning which means I have now seen all 10 best picture nominees.

When voting, Academy members are asked to list the nominees, 1-10, starting with what they feel is best. So I will also participate.

1. The Social Network

2. The King's Speech

3. Inception

4. Black Swan

5. 127 Hours

6. The Fighter

7. True Grit

8. Winter's Bone

9. Toy Story 3

10. The Kids Are Alright

So that's my opinion...In case you wanted to know

Lyrical

Lately, I'm finding it hard to fully explain how i feel. But some of these lyrics do it splendidly.

"I just can't look. It's killing me and taking control"--The Killers; Mr. Brightside

"I gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash"--Bruno Mars; Grenade

"I got to get my head back on. Gotta get myself together"--Robyn; Get Myself Together

"I would've been your fool"--The Gaslight Anthem; Here's Looking at You, Kid

"I need company, I need human heat"--Frightened Rabbit; The Twist

"You never were and you never will be mine"--Robyn; Be Mine

"Now, I see, I'll never stop this train:--John Mayer; Stop This Train

2010 entertainment

I realized I never did a list of things that made 2010 awesome (mostly it sucked, but we'll pretend it didn't for approximately one blog entry).

1. Movies

Not many movies. Specifically a few. I'm not going to get film snobby, like i usually am. I will instead display the posters of a few movies that brought joy to my solemn face.











2. Books

Yes, I learned to continuously read this year. I mean i didn't get on the ball till around late august but I read around 5 books in three months. I felt smart and well read like Julie or Bry.







3. Music

There have been many artists how have helped me get through this year, but none of them hold a candle to Robyn. Her lyrics have helped me through some of the incredibly tough times this year. It absolutely helped that she released 3 albums this year, so I received a dose of wisdom every few months. And got to see her in concert, but I already discussed that.



4. Television

Television has had a fantastic year. but i have to give a shout out to some shows that have helped me pass those excruciating days at Festival.








These are the non-human things that helped me make it through this year. and for that I will be forever indebted to them.