Roll It

It's one thing if people talk crap about me, but when people talk bad about my friends. Well, it's a smack down.



My vehicle, who goes by Walter, is aged. And let's get real kids, he's not getting any younger. He is 16 years old, which in 'formerly-owned-by-Stanler-and-Waldorf years' makes it about 72.

The Villas (the complex in which I currently reside) has decided that I cannot recieve a new parking permit (yeah, that can be it's own seperate rant.) due to the aged paint Walter has sustained over the years. Really, you smug, overweight Beaner? Do you think anything that is, by all rights, 72 years old is gonna be in it's ideal condition? No! And I don't have the money for Hospus care so what exactly would you like me to do?

"It's not me who makes the rules," Mexi-fatty says.

No, but clearly you are have not been educated enough to see that nowhere in the list of property by-laws does it say ANYTHING about faded paint. Get smart (and a tredmill) or go the hell back to your country.

P.S. Sorry about my lack of postage. I'll try to be better.

Happy Birthday

Guys. I am 21. I thought about writing a long, epiphanic blog of all the crazy that has brought me to the end of my 20th year of existance, but it would be alot of overdressing the point. The point is this: I am 21. A legal adult. I can drink, gamble, rent a car. It's very strange to me. I feel old. Decrepit, really. But happy birthday to me right?

Evicted

To anyone who reads this; Sorry I haven't been better with posting. The last week has been a little crazy. With all the overnights for parties both street and block, I haven't gotten to bed before 4 a.m. in 7 days. I am so freakin' exhausted. But look. It's me on stilts!

SO, let's dive right in, shall we? I have been staying at my old place for the last couple nights cause its like a hop'n'askip away from Magic Kingdom, where my overnights took place. I told old landlord that I could be out LAST Thursday, but he's pretty chill and said I didn't need to stress. So I didn't. I mean, I'd already hauled my un-necessities to the new place, but since I was crashing elsewhere, I figured my clothes should be where I was.

Coming back from that tangent. (I want to preface that I was up till 4 last night.) This morning, around 9, my phone seizures. Feeling like I had my head bashed in with an ugly stick, I answer.

"Hello?" I ask I my raspy morning voice.

"Why are you still here?" my angry, british ex-landlord states from the living room. I have a horror movie deja vu. The call is coming from inside the house.

"Mr. Hales? I'm sorry..." Quick think of something. "I just have some things left to pack and I'll be gone by the end of the day." I throw myself in gear and frantically start packing, hoping and praying he doesn't come in the cubicle that is no longer my room.

"That's what you said last week!" He's carefully controling his volume and tone.

"I'm sorry sir. I promise I'll be out of the house by five."

I was out by 12.

So I have officially moved to my new place. It's nice. I'm excited.

The Walk

I was shuffling through songs on my iPod, and this little ditty came up. I hadn't heard it in a long time and I love it. It's my song of the day. Imogen is amazing. Enjoy the brilliance.

"Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now, cos you and I were never meant to me
I think you better leave; it's not safe in her,
I feel a weakness coming on.

Alright then (Alright then) I can keep your number for a rainy day,
That's when its set, no mistakes no misbehaving,
I was doing so well, can we just be friends,
I feel a weakness coming on.

It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.

Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now; you're as close as it gets without touching me,
Oh now don't make it harder than it already is,
I feel a weakness coming on.

It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.

Big trouble loosing control,
Primary resistance at a critical load,
On the double gotta get a hold,
Point of no return a second to go,

No response on any level, red alert this vessels under siege,
To a lower lever, systems failed, they've got control,
There's no way out, we are surrounded,
Give in, Give in..

Freeze, awake here forever, I feel a weakness coming on.

It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, it's just what I don't need,
Why make me feel like this, it's definitely all your fault.

Feel like this la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault (Feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault (Feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault (Feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault"

Holy Water

Praise the heavens! We have running water!

Wait. I got ahead of my self. Stop. Rewind.

Play.

Friday afternoon our water shut off. I figured it out, cause I went to wash my hands. Squirted some liquid soap in my palms and turned on the faucet which poured generous volumes of air into my now lathered digits.

You see, when your water is gone, you're basically screwed. No water means no showers, no laundry, no clean dishes, only pre-prepared food, and, worst of all, no flushing the toilet. What do you do when you take a deuce at 11:30 at night and the water is gone? Drive to work of course. You can shower there, too. Yes, it's a little like showering at a rec center, but at least the water doesn't turn frigid five minutes in.

Anyway, five days later, a burly hispanic man knocks on my door and tells me we have running water. And it was good.