Sunday, March 25, 2012

Lessons Being Learned. So many Lessons

I am currently in a three day weekend, which I'm pretty sure hasn't happened since I trudged the halls of Orem High School. What led to this lovely break was a somewhat grueling (for me anyway) 19 days of work straight. I know people have made it through worse and will continue to have 30 days with no sanity retrieving triad of solar periods. However, I have been lucky enough to have never had that.

You learn a lot about yourself in pushing yourself that way.

Anywho, I had a random inclination to check out this blog since its been about a year since I composed a new entry. What I saw was 2 really depressing excerpts of my psyche. I was in a bad place last year. I really don't know any other way to put it. Its a hard thing to realize you can't please people. Especially, if you are a people pleaser. But once you accept that fact, that not everyone has to be pleased as punch with you all of the days, you can start living for you. Its the accepting it that is the hard part.

The last year has given me so many personal gifts. The realization that I need to take control of my life was the most prevelant. I'm learning to be more assertive, to work harder, to be more responsible, and to have confidence in myself and my work. It has been a long road. The longest. And i know the road is longer still. But (and this is the cheesy part; have your fondu sticks ready) as long as I have good friends to help me laugh as I hobble up that road, I know I'll get there.

Point being, work hard, be confident, push yourself, enjoy your time here. Don't be too serious. Cause if you can't laugh with yourself, no one else will!

Friday, March 4, 2011


Hey. It's March.
When did that happen?

2011 is already much different than 2010. We're only two months in, but I can tell. It feels different for starters. Its most likely because, in 2010, I was coming off one of the favorite years of all my 22. And thus, last year I fell. And I fell a long way. I fortuanatly had some support beams to keep me from tumbling too far, from plunging into the darkness. However, I spent the year down there and it was dark.

So, this year began. Those beams preventing me from penetrating further in the darkness (dirty, i know) have given way to the weight of my pressing free fall. I'm grateful that I had those supports for as long as I did. But now, as I fall, I'm scrapping the walls of this hole, trying to find something to grap onto.

I just hope I don't land in Tim Burton's Wonderland, cause THAT would truly be a nightmare.

Saturday, February 12, 2011


The title 'Enough' is not referring to the Jennifer Lopez movie, in which she kicks her ex-husbands ass. No, the title is actually something that I am not. Its something I have never been. And its taken me alost 23 years to realize it. I'm not enough.

I'm not smart enough
not funny enough
not good looking enough
not lucky enough
not a good enough dancer
not a good enough singer
not a good enough artist
not athletic enough
not Mormon enough
not not-Mormon enough
not happy enough
not wild enough
not confident enough
not strong enough
not friend enough...

The list of my ineptitudes is neverending. I'm sorry to everyone who has to deal with me that I am not enough. I think I'm gonna stop trying. I can't seem to succeed and repetative faliure is not really awesome. So...later

Monday, January 31, 2011

My Best Picture Ballot

The Oscar nominations have been announced. I finished Winter's Bone this morning which means I have now seen all 10 best picture nominees.

When voting, Academy members are asked to list the nominees, 1-10, starting with what they feel is best. So I will also participate.

1. The Social Network

2. The King's Speech

3. Inception

4. Black Swan

5. 127 Hours

6. The Fighter

7. True Grit

8. Winter's Bone

9. Toy Story 3

10. The Kids Are Alright

So that's my opinion...In case you wanted to know

Thursday, January 13, 2011


Lately, I'm finding it hard to fully explain how i feel. But some of these lyrics do it splendidly.

"I just can't look. It's killing me and taking control"--The Killers; Mr. Brightside

"I gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash"--Bruno Mars; Grenade

"I got to get my head back on. Gotta get myself together"--Robyn; Get Myself Together

"I would've been your fool"--The Gaslight Anthem; Here's Looking at You, Kid

"I need company, I need human heat"--Frightened Rabbit; The Twist

"You never were and you never will be mine"--Robyn; Be Mine

"Now, I see, I'll never stop this train:--John Mayer; Stop This Train

Sunday, January 2, 2011

2010 entertainment

I realized I never did a list of things that made 2010 awesome (mostly it sucked, but we'll pretend it didn't for approximately one blog entry).

1. Movies

Not many movies. Specifically a few. I'm not going to get film snobby, like i usually am. I will instead display the posters of a few movies that brought joy to my solemn face.

2. Books

Yes, I learned to continuously read this year. I mean i didn't get on the ball till around late august but I read around 5 books in three months. I felt smart and well read like Julie or Bry.

3. Music

There have been many artists how have helped me get through this year, but none of them hold a candle to Robyn. Her lyrics have helped me through some of the incredibly tough times this year. It absolutely helped that she released 3 albums this year, so I received a dose of wisdom every few months. And got to see her in concert, but I already discussed that.

4. Television

Television has had a fantastic year. but i have to give a shout out to some shows that have helped me pass those excruciating days at Festival.

These are the non-human things that helped me make it through this year. and for that I will be forever indebted to them.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Reigniting Passions

I love movies. I can't help it. I love them. Even the bad ones (the bad ones are like that weird cousin you don't really like, but you still feel obligated to look out for cause its still family.) I've had a love affair with the cinema for quite some time. I always liked movies, but who doesn't right. I think I may have located the source of the turning point from like to love, however.

Back in Utah, my family would always host an Oscar party. My mom attended to the food and socialization aspects, while my dad would read up on all the nominees. My dad thoroughly enjoys movies as well (that's probably where I get it from). Anyway, one year, my dad was to be out of town working on the weekend of the big night, so I took up the reins in his stead. Which meant looking into the nominees, reading the reviews, so I could at least give a brief synopsis if there was a film someone hadn't seen. My dad was gone that weekend the following year as well and that's when I decided. Rather than read critiques, why not just see the movies and form some of my own. At least of the Best Picture nominees. That particular year I saw 4 of the 5(Freaking Letters from Iwo Jima). I soon developed a taste for great movies which led to me wanting to become a film student.

Film, like most art forms, is unique. It requires much visual creativity, finesse, and respect for the medium and what it can do. I often feel that people don't realize what a powerful thing movies can be. No matter if you are watching Little Miss Sunshine, Toy Story, or Accepted, you are making connections. You are surrendering yourself to another being (albeit, fictional) for at least 90 mins. You are making yourself vulnerable. Open to feeling something. A powerful movie with the right story can easily change your life.

I want to be a filmmaker. I want to create something that will cause change. Film has caused a change in me and I have a strong desire to pay it forward. I often loose sight of this goal. Getting side tracked by working where I do and dealing with co-workers. Letting my attention be drawn elsewhere. Its not until a great movie comes along that my passion and dreams are reignited. I have seen two movies this week that did exactly that.

127 Hours and Black Swan.

Both are brilliant films honed by brilliant directors. Each great for different reasons save one. There is such care brought to the telling of these stories. These are not films that were concocted to make money (a.k.a. The Pirates of the Caribbean franchise). No. These were stories that should be told. While one is also a tale of man vs. nature, both of these films showcase protagonists that need to conquer themselves. Danny Boyle and Darren Aronofsky are master storytellers because they put their heart and soul into the telling. I would be shocked if they are not invited to the Kodak theater in March. I hope, someday, I will be invited too.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Myself Together

It's all over like steps in the first snow
Something's been building up and it's gonna blow
My momma called me last night, she said what nothing else fits
Pick up the pieces and move on
I see the flashing lights, just can't make sense of the bits
It's like my mind is gone

I got … got to get …
Get my head back on
I got … got to get …
Myself together
When this hurt is gone
I got … got to get …
Myself together

I got … got to get …
Can't tell what's going wrong
I wish there's something could be done
Knock that cover
When this hurt is gone
I got … got to get …
Myself together

Can't stand to see you upset
But you already know
The more close it gets
The less I wanna go

I saw my brother last night
He said I know you too well
You can't pretend that's nothing wrong
I see the fuse that ignites, like I'm outside of myself
It's like my mind is gone

I got … got to get …
Get my head back on
I got … got to get …
Myself together
When this hurt is gone
I got … got to get …
Myself together

I got … got to get …
Can't tell what's going wrong
I wish there's something could be done

Knock that cover
When this hurt is gone
I got … got to get …
Myself together

My daddy put me aside
Like when I was a child
He said I trust you decide
On what you know is right
And for whatever it's worth,
I am on your side
There's no denying the mess
That I got us in
And I've been trying my best
Not to make a scene
Just can't make a sense of it all
It's like my mind is gone

I got … got to get …
Get my head back on
I got … got to get …
Myself together
When this hurt is gone
I got … got to get …
Myself together

I got … got to get …
Can't tell what's going wrong
I wish there's something could be done
Knock that cover
When this hurt is gone
I got … got to get …
Myself together

Can't tell what's going wrong
I wish there's something could be done
Knock that cover
When this hurt is gone
I got … got to get …
Myself together

Monday, November 15, 2010

Vacation Part 1

Firstly, I'd like to thank Sly & the Family Stone for words that perfectly describe the past 10 days for me.

"I'd like to thank you for letting me be myself again"

My vacation was quite a needed one.

I went to my first concert.

I posted a few weeks ago that I got my ticket. Well, the day arrived. It was held at Firestone in Downtown Orlando. We arrived at 7 as per the request of the ticket agent and stood around for well over an hour and a half. I was not aware that this was standard concert protocol, so I was slightly peeved.

At last the first act graced the stage (well, as graceful as a 17 year old in a bustiay can be.) Her name was NATALIA KILLS and she sang a colorful ditty entitled "I'm in Love With a Zombie". Lyrical Brilliance....She also had two 'backup dancers' orbiting her as she strutted around the stage. Ultimatly, she was a decent opening act. And the night went on.

Another hour went by. Much smoke swirled around me and many eyes on TinTin, Jam, and myself. A DJ comes out, distracting the audience and introduces MALUCA. A pretty, tall, black girl comes on stage. She has a long braid down her back and a rope woven into it that extended her hair whip another two feet or so.

Maluca sings latin techno music. Latin. As in, sings in anther languge. Techno. As in, that neverending base line and odd sounds that permeates clubs. Music. Although, I don't personally call what she played music. She kinda moved to the beat. Kinda. She tried to whipper her hair/rope/lasso around. Tried. And she yelled in Spanish. Then, she started having a wardrobe malfuntion. As in, her nip slipped out of her top as she was hopping around in a dog-on-hind-legs fashion. Which made her set fairly hilarious. Swinging her hair, nipple half out, sing-screaming "LUNA, SOL, TEIRRA, FUEGOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" And so the night went on.

And on.

And on.

and an hour after Senorita Maluca's Round up ended, Robyn can. And She was absolutely amazing. I've said before, she is an stunning performer, gives everything she has out on stage. She sounded exactly like her songs, which I hear is quite a rarity. And she played the best she had. Just when I thought she was done she came back and did more. She was completely flawless. Below are two videos from the concert.

A new version of "U Should Know Better"

"Dancing on My Own"

I really couldn't have asked for a better way to loose my concert virginity!

More to come....hopefully

Friday, October 29, 2010

Dream Rant

Do you ever have those times when you finally have a dream where no attempt is made on your life? But its not really a good dream. It's one that stresses you out because it involves anger and dislike and overall distaste about the situation that is going on and all you can do is damage control but it barely does anything because you've never been good at minimizing chaos. But after you drag yourself to semi-conciousness (dragging because of the drugs you took to go to sleep) you have an a lengthy deluge of thoughts compacted into a two minute period...

And you don't wanna retype everything you wrote after "two minute period" because you accidentally deleted it and you still don't understand how and really you feel so tired that all you wanna do is GO. BACK. TO. SLEEP

Thursday, October 21, 2010


I was parusing my friend Emily's blog, pribbles and prabbles, and I saw she posted this video.

I feel like this might help me in life. You know, get me feeling good about myself and my life. So I'm gonna give it a shot.

My whole life is great!

I can do anything good.

I like my friends.

I like my Cadres.

I like my Dr. Peppers.

I like my tv shows and seeing movies.

I like my Block Parties.

I like my soon to see Julies.

My whole life is great.

I can do anything good. Better than anyone else.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


Yes, It's been a while. I often feel like the things I say are not as funny, interesting, or well-written once I finish putting fingers to keys. So I don't. Not as often any way and, even then, it's only if I feel like I can make it look good. So maybe instead, I'll just do one massive update.

I started reading. A lot. For me anyway. And I think I finally found a way to keep it going. I kept trying for ambitious reads, that's what I call them. I very clearly do not have the attention span for that. When I don't get through them with ease, I get frustrated and think reading is not for me. Which is just not the truth. I like reading quite a bit. I even ordered some books on Can you say, "BOOK FIEND"? Bwahahaa

I read THE HUNGER GAMES series and it was AMAZING. I read them quite rapidly. A month for all three with a short break between 2 and 3 to read THE GIVER (Again, 4 books in a month is quite a sum for me. A spectacular feat). But this series is absolutely my favorite. I'm very excited for the movies to spew forth.

I've seen many movies. The best and most interesting is THE SOCIAL NETWORK. It is about the creation of Facebook by that scoundrel, Mark Zuckerburg. The script (by Aaron Sorkin) is possibly the sharpest, most relevant, wittiest one of the year. I am very partial toward rapid fire dialogue between people that can keep up. It is shot with I wise hand by David Fincher. The casting was great as well. Jesse Eisinberg (I'm sure i'm botching the spelling on all of these names) as Mark, creates an ass of a guy who has heart. And who in the world would think that Justin Timberlake could act. I mean, more than is required for SNL skits. He plays Sean Parker, creator of Napster, and older brother figure to Mark.

Just go see it.

I've been in rehearsals for a new show coming to Disney's Hollywood Studios entitled DISNEY CHANNEL ROCKS. It has been a blast, but very challenging. I'll see if I ever get to to do it.

I got FINAL CUT PRO. Finally!! Four years in the making. I finished my first video project in years. It's about ninja-assassins. Yes, it's dorky and I feel confident you don't wanna see it.

Anyway, that's all for today folks.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Concert Virginity

I have never been to a concert...which seems completely wrong. But all thats about to change as you can see.


Sunday, September 19, 2010

Just sayin...

Sorry little monsters, but you can't deny how similar they look.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

1...nah I'm not gonna count. Sorry

Everyday I wake up, wonder why
I'm alone when I know I'm a lovely guy
Birds come down from sky so blue
See all the beautiful things you do
Why can't I just get with you

Every night I carry out my plan
Pray to God that one day I could be your man
Birds come down from sky so blue

See all the beautiful things you do
Why can't I just get with

You'd be my only friend in the world
Well you could just be my girl

And if I do run away from this life
There won't be much for me in the afterlife
Although I know that you don't even care
I'd rather stay in a world where
Birds come down from sky so blue
See all the beautiful things you do
Why can't I just get with you

-"All the Beautiful Things" by Eels