November was White, December is Gray

It's December. That means 2009 is almost over and my mind has gone a-boggling by that fact.

Down to business; I think I'm slipping into a funk. I don't really know why. I just have all these things on my mind. Previous to this moment, I usually will think about something for a few hours then I'll get distracted by something (tv, movie, granny drivers etc.) and will no longer be affected by my thinking brain of thinkfulness.

I think the 1st of the new long-lasting thoughts is that I have to move in a little less than 2 months and I have no game plan. It's my own fault of course. I'm royal Duke of Procrastination. So I don't freequently have plans till the last minute, which I clearly now have a problem with.

A childhood friend of mine passed away a few days ago. I hadn't really spoken to him since before my Pokemon stage, well over a decade ago (wow, that makes me feel old). Anywho, I wasn't close to him but his death has flipped my thinking switch. I feel worried all the time now that anyone closer to me is gonna go. What would I do? I don't know that I am properly equipped to handle that situation. I'd probably quit and move back. I wouldn't have a job there though. How would I make money? I don't wanna work at...........You see? Thats how my brain is right now. I was not intending to write the last few sentences but one thought leads to the next which has a follow up thought and so on and so forth till I'm falling into a swirly vortex like in an old Alfred Hitchcock move. Alternative analogy-an unpleasant word web.

Anyway, those are just 2 examples of the concepts plaguing my countenence. If anyone finds the off switch don't wait for my ok. Switch it off then inform me. Thank you.

Koniciwa B*****s

I don't mean to be trite by starting this entry with a question but...

Do you ever feel out of place? Like you're not sure you're supposed to be where you currently can be located? I don't know if that makes sense. I will try to elaborate.

Pretend you're back in high school (just go with me on this for a sec). So you're in high school and you are...I dunno, for the sake of the example, lets say you're a jock. So you are a high school jock. You like sports. You're even pretty good at them, but you just to don't seem to fit with your fellow teammates. They curse every other word and think movies like 2 Fast 2 Furious and the Rundown should win awards for "Awsomeness" and consider Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson a great actor. And you are completely NOT about that.

You get invited to a party hosted by some kid in the drama club, who you get along with pretty well, and you figure, "maybe I'll get along with all those drama geeks", so you go to the party.

After hangin' with them for an hour or so, you stop and have some thinking time. You realize you might get along better with these guys, but you still don't really belong here. You have now been with two completely different sets of people and you still are out of place. What now?

Did you like the example? 'Course you did. But I just am curious.

What now?

Home

So the rest of my vacacion to the Beehive state was fairly chill. I got to hang out with my JennaLove and my daughter, Cadre, which was simply lovely. There is nothing like going home to clear your head.

High and Low

Last night, my nose was perfreated and began to bleed profusely. That hasn't happened in a little over a year. Freakin' 3000 miles above sea level.

Effington

Being back in Utah has been really weird. It's been fun, but... I suppose 'educational' would be a good word for it. I have missed ALOT. But it's ok. I don't really know that I would've really wanted to be here for alot that went down.


Anyway, I got to go to Panda night with my cousins. It was almost like it was in Flo. Accept with subzero temperatures.



And most magnificent so far; I got to hang out with my JennaLove. We went sight seeing yesterday (there aren't many sights to be seen, but those few needed to be saught) and it was so much fun. It is so easy to hang out with her even after a year of seperation.


So there is a little update. Oh HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

Sink, Florida, Sink

I'm home. In Utah I mean. I'm kinda done being the social outcast in the FL. Needed a break from it. So I'm in the UT.

Yesterday, was the longest day of traveling. Ever. Ever ever. The flight from Orlando to Denver went well enough. Then, an extended lay-over (5 hours) in CO due to unexpected technical difficulties, bascially exhausted every once of patience I had. Hoping to chilax when I get home, I arrive at a surprise party. Mostly family, which is great, but also alot of people I'm not really fond of. All in all it was a little overhelming. Fine, but overwhelming...slightly.

Anyway, it's kinda weird to be here. I look around and am reminded of memories that involved a version of me that no longer exists. I don't know that haunting is the right word, but...kinda.

The snow is nice thought. It wouldn't feel like the winter without it.