SPARE CHRONICLES: Return of the Spare

And now for the "long-awaited" sequel. *-means something needed to be edited for public use

Today I was a spare at DAK (Disney's Animal Kingdom). I was petrified they'd send me some place aweful. Animal Kingdom doesn't exactly have the best spare reputation. However, it was only going to be nine hours and there is nowhere at DAK that I could not tolerate for nine hours. And thus I went to work feeling a mixture tranquility and trepidation.

I checked in, warmed up, and was told to come back in an hour. So far so good. One down, eight to go. I checked back at my instructed time they attempted to send me to hang out with Ratcliffe. I immediatly produced my get out of jail phrase, "I'm too short for that". They pause only a moment then made several grim sounding phone calls and i recieved a seven word instuction;"You're gonna *hang-out-with Goofy on the boat". The boat? What boat? There is a shit load of boats at Animal Kingdom. How was I supposed to locate one in specific?

After the slight panic ceased and I managed to actually get myself to the boat, the rest of the day was pie. My job much easier when I have no guest contact. All I did was dance on a boat. It was fun. I haven't had that much fun in a couple weeks. It was a nice change.

When my four, twenty-minute boat rides were up, the sent me to "water" for parade. Which, as I'm sure you can infer, consisted of me filling cups with water. Literally. I'm not sure my day could have gotten any simpler. Filling cups with water and taking some boat rides. Now, if everyday could be like this...lovely.

Stay Tuned for the next.......SPARE CHRONICLES

6 A.M.

So as I sit here in the brink of six a.m., watching the first season of Gilmore Girls, I am in a thoughtful position.

You see, life is completely askew at 6. It is a cold, dark place. Erily quiet. Almost like you are the last survivor of some strange disease that has turned nearly every other person on earth into crazy-super-human-zombies. With my trusty German Sheapherd at my side, I strive to find a cure.

Once I pull myself out of "I Am Legend", I think about how I have been having SUPER intense dreams as of late. I can't always remember them, but I constantly wake up with my body in panic mode. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. However, I can't help the thought that if I were not here, not in Chatham Square, Florida, I would still be asleep. Probably still cold, but I'd have a thicker blanket.

Reminise

While I'm sure you all found The Spare Chronicles simply enthralling, I have to interrupt with a reminissense.

So my cousins is kinda with my neighbor, who, luckily, has a car. I say luckily because I needed a trip to the grocery store. I can only get so much milage out of freeze dried chow mein noodles.

Anyway, I need to tell you something about neighbor, let's call him B. My cousin does, so I think it's ok. You see, B isn't mormon. That's all you need to know.

We all go to get in his car and find that it is totally boss. A '89 Chevrolet Station Wagon. What made the experience even better, was we got in, and the aroma of single malt liqour and cigar smoke over took my nostrils. I have only experienced this particular scent few times before and they were all in the same place. My great aunt Dorothy's house reaked of this hybrid odor. For the last ten years of her life, she did not leave the house. She left no windows or doors open, leaving no chance to clear the air. The smell was basically baked into the house.

All of this came to me in the first ten seconds of our trip. It was interesting. It was odd. It was de-lovely.

Space Chronicles: Episode I- Time to Spare

So in all my three and a half months of working for the crazy mouse, I had never been a spare. For those of you less informed folk, if you are scheduled as a spare you are scheduled to come in just in case other folks call in. I guess Tigger's other friends usually show up to work.

Now, however, I am also friends with Goof. And Goofy's friends are flaky. And so it started Sun. I had to be in at 6. A. freaking. M. Why Goof would work at this uh-holy hour, I have no idea, that is the way the hat tilts. So I sat. One by one all of Goof's amigos come in. My roomie, Phil (who was also da G-man's spare friend that morning) were cool with it. We got paid to sit. Then, we went to check in and they needed a van driver. Phil and I look at each other is slow motion and decide we'll do it together. and let me tell you, it was the funnest shift in all the land.

Tune in next blog for another entry of.........(drum roll)............

SPARE CHRONICLES

The night before

Being as it was my besties last night in Flo Flo, I decided to forgo bed for a while to spend some quality time with her. I felt bad that the quantity was microscopic. She was playing with my hair. No matter what my state of awareness, if someone scratches my head I am out like a light.

So I wake up and everything is as it was, only everyones gone. I start to panic, thinking of all possible scenarios from Freddy Kreuger to frat party. I then see that it's four. I calm down and see my roommate went to bed. I figure my bestie went to pack for the night. So i try to go back to sleep and finally FORCE myself into dreamland.

You can imagine how pissed I was when my roommates are bellowing and the one girl I am disgusted by (thank the sweet heavens she is leaving) comes over and says "Oh is he asleep?" and the roomies say "Don't worry about it" then proceed to have the LOUDEST conversation rivaling Ross and Rachel's first break up.

But now Nessie is here and we are working on the quantity part.

So there is something you should know...

I got this idea from julie's blog. I decided to make a list of my own.

Here are some things you should know about me-

1. No matter what my job is, it's likely I will complain about it. Even if I love it.
2. I am reigning king of the sloths.
3. I have a need to feel clean. Two showers a day is not unsual for me.
4. I am always sweating. Always
5. I'm not the most masculine guy, but I like girls. And that's the gospel truth!
6. I kinda have this issue about crooked teeth. They freak me out.
7. I can get pretty easily addicted to any scripted tv show. I watch nearly every show on the networks. Resulting in 45 season of Tv on DVD
8. If I don't like you, we won't speak. If I like you, I will tease you. If I love you, you will know.
9. When playing 'Scene It' and there is an All Play, I have to say the phrase "All Play cause we all play"
10. I like my feet. Many, many, people think that feet are the most disgusting and I don't understand why.
11. I dance, but hate going to dances/dancing/clubbing/etc.
12. If I feel you are my best friend, I will say so to everyone else.
13. I am still Mormon despite the way I act.
14. My friends are my priority.
15. I don't have food at my house that requires more preperation than sticking something in a microwave.
16. If I take a girl out, we will both be checked out by men.
17. I'd rather sleep on my couch than in my room (Stinky roommate).
18. I'm a film snob. However, I end up loving some stupid movies.
19. Often I am an excellent judge of character. I can forsee people becoming stupid upon first meeting.
20. I say I'm cool with commitment, but when it comes my way I freak slightly.

What's your malfunction?

So the other day I saw Tig. It was kinda cool to see him again so we made plans to chill. The last three days have been Tigga-ful. Been helping him with character dining at a place that some call "prison", but I just call it Crystal Palace. To get there you enter the tunnels take a right and walk. Keep walking... and about when you feel that you have aged slightly it's right around the corner.

Wednesday was alot of fun. We didn't hang out for too long, but long enough that I realized I missed him. He's fun.

Thursday we went over to Playground. That's when I remembered how big a pain he can be. If he is out in the sun too long, he becomes a sweaty, whiney little bitch. Seven sets later, we parted for the evening.

Today? Today was good. We hung out on set and had some fun, but off set I totally was chilling with Pooh, Piglet, and Eeyore's friends. All girls, which for a straight guy in a gay world is always nice. And Eeyore's friend totally felt me up. It's been a while kids. It felt nice to be a metaphorical slab of beef. We nearly kissed but me being my neurotic self did not make the move. I psych myself out. I think only Freud could help me locate and terminate my perpetual inability to think a pretty girl could want me. I'm just used to being pushed away I suppose.

I totally did not mean for this to turn into a pity party. I need to work on not pulling this kind of jackassery so frequently. ANYWAYS, I was rewarded today. I have a new phrase. "What's your malfunction?" And really. What IS your malfunction?