Stupid for You

First, I wanna point out two things. ONE: I took a page from Bry's book and will now forthwith have a picture accompanying a blog entry. TWO: I took a page from Shonda Rimes book and henseforth all blogs will be song titles. Cool I know. Ok...on with the show.

I'm scared ok. I'm messed up and a big fat chicken. Bawk.



Flashack: Sophmore year.

Besides Julie Lawson (who in my opinion doesn't count, since I was twelve and naive) my first relationship was with...let's call her May. Yes I changed the name and it's better that way.

So while I was with May I was in a perpetual mode of terror. You see, May was on anti-depression medication that, as it turns out, made her hyper-sensitive. I was always afraid I was gonna say something that upset her and then I'd feel like an aweful human, because only jerks make girls cry. My back would tense up and my heart would start pounding in anticipation of seeing her. And of course, I would continually find new ways to fit my exceptionally large feet into my even bigger mouth. Four mouths later, we broke up. I have only seen her three times since and the tension returned every time.

Not exactly the best way for your first relationship to go is it? Yeah. Really not. Now listen, I'm not blaming May, but I think ever since then I have been terrified of finding myself in a relationship because my back is sore enough with out that past blinging tension returning. No, I know not all relationships are gonna be like that one but I also don't wanna be the metaphorical May to anyone else. I don't want to be a tension causer. And thus I am afraid. Afraid the theoretical-May-induced-tension has cause me to screw up something that could be amazing. The jury is out and the meeting has recessed until futher notice.