Working on it

"I don't handle change well."

I've said that numerous times in the past few days and it is still so very true. Well, I think I can handle it alright when I want/need it to happen. But when it leaves things exposed to the mighty powers of the SUCK gods, it makes my aprehensive to take change lightly.

I think that was an unnecessary comment. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't take change lightly. I end up excessivly over-analyzing situations. Let the various outcomes stress me out so intensely that I come to the conclusion that absolutely no change should take place. I know how to live in the current situations. I don't know if I will if the situations evolve or progress. I know that sounds really dramatic, but when you are in that situation, it seems right on the money. I have even realized that I subconciously ruin happy evolvements in my life cause I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to be happy. Thats a change from the present.

Ok, again, that sounds over-dramatic. It's not that I'm not happy. I really am most of the time. I seem to just deny or wreck possibly occurances that will raise my happiness quotient. It's like a little person (a nymph of somekind, perhaps?) is in my brain and when things are getting good, it shuts all acceptance functions down and cranks the freak-out frequencies to 11.

Anyway, not the point. The actual concept I was attempting to target was as follows. A shit-ton of things are about to change/are changing in the next few weeks. I have to move. MOVE. To a new apartment with different roommates. I'm gon have to go to this festival officially. No longer as a civilian. I'm not fully ready for all of this. I'm not sleeping well. Thats not helping.

I'm working on it. Trying.