No more math

I am thankful for my recent trip home.

That week changed things I feel. It changed my perspective of Utah for one. When I left it was a dismal unhappy place. And maybe I'm wrong, but it seems life has come back to it.

On a deeper level, I think I have spent the last 2.5 years trying to make things like my senior year again. Like, if i could just get all the variables together I could make the equasion I'd want. Slowly, I've let go of this notion. The trip has gotten me to drop it completely and be ok with it. I've seen now that the things that would need to happen to get back to that "happy time" in my life, can't happen at all cause the variables have changed so dramatically. Does that make any sense?

Maybe if you had an example:

I'd need 2 and 4 and 7 to get the out come of 13. So I have been trying to get those numbers together, but they have all changed. 2 is now 5. 4 is now 1. and 7 is now -6. so even if I did rangle those numbers from my past together, no matter how hard I tried, they wouldn't yeild the result I'd want. Cause 5 and 1 and -6 does NOT equal 13. Ya know what it does amount to? NOTHING.

Anyway, my point is this. Thanks to my excursion to Utah, I have stopped trying so hard to bring back the past. I've been trying to live in the past and I feel like it's made me an unhappy person. But I think now, just like Bry, I can be in the present. And start looking toward the future. And I'm good with that.

(P.S. I've been meaning to write that blog ever since I got back and I'm really glad I sat down and made myself write it out.)