Reigniting Passions

I love movies. I can't help it. I love them. Even the bad ones (the bad ones are like that weird cousin you don't really like, but you still feel obligated to look out for cause its still family.) I've had a love affair with the cinema for quite some time. I always liked movies, but who doesn't right. I think I may have located the source of the turning point from like to love, however.

Back in Utah, my family would always host an Oscar party. My mom attended to the food and socialization aspects, while my dad would read up on all the nominees. My dad thoroughly enjoys movies as well (that's probably where I get it from). Anyway, one year, my dad was to be out of town working on the weekend of the big night, so I took up the reins in his stead. Which meant looking into the nominees, reading the reviews, so I could at least give a brief synopsis if there was a film someone hadn't seen. My dad was gone that weekend the following year as well and that's when I decided. Rather than read critiques, why not just see the movies and form some of my own. At least of the Best Picture nominees. That particular year I saw 4 of the 5(Freaking Letters from Iwo Jima). I soon developed a taste for great movies which led to me wanting to become a film student.

Film, like most art forms, is unique. It requires much visual creativity, finesse, and respect for the medium and what it can do. I often feel that people don't realize what a powerful thing movies can be. No matter if you are watching Little Miss Sunshine, Toy Story, or Accepted, you are making connections. You are surrendering yourself to another being (albeit, fictional) for at least 90 mins. You are making yourself vulnerable. Open to feeling something. A powerful movie with the right story can easily change your life.

I want to be a filmmaker. I want to create something that will cause change. Film has caused a change in me and I have a strong desire to pay it forward. I often loose sight of this goal. Getting side tracked by working where I do and dealing with co-workers. Letting my attention be drawn elsewhere. Its not until a great movie comes along that my passion and dreams are reignited. I have seen two movies this week that did exactly that.

127 Hours and Black Swan.

Both are brilliant films honed by brilliant directors. Each great for different reasons save one. There is such care brought to the telling of these stories. These are not films that were concocted to make money (a.k.a. The Pirates of the Caribbean franchise). No. These were stories that should be told. While one is also a tale of man vs. nature, both of these films showcase protagonists that need to conquer themselves. Danny Boyle and Darren Aronofsky are master storytellers because they put their heart and soul into the telling. I would be shocked if they are not invited to the Kodak theater in March. I hope, someday, I will be invited too.

Myself Together

It's all over like steps in the first snow
Something's been building up and it's gonna blow
My momma called me last night, she said what nothing else fits
Pick up the pieces and move on
I see the flashing lights, just can't make sense of the bits
It's like my mind is gone

I got … got to get …
Get my head back on
I got … got to get …
Myself together
When this hurt is gone
I got … got to get …
Myself together

I got … got to get …
Can't tell what's going wrong
I wish there's something could be done
Knock that cover
When this hurt is gone
I got … got to get …
Myself together

Can't stand to see you upset
But you already know
The more close it gets
The less I wanna go

I saw my brother last night
He said I know you too well
You can't pretend that's nothing wrong
I see the fuse that ignites, like I'm outside of myself
It's like my mind is gone

I got … got to get …
Get my head back on
I got … got to get …
Myself together
When this hurt is gone
I got … got to get …
Myself together

I got … got to get …
Can't tell what's going wrong
I wish there's something could be done

Knock that cover
When this hurt is gone
I got … got to get …
Myself together

My daddy put me aside
Like when I was a child
He said I trust you decide
On what you know is right
And for whatever it's worth,
I am on your side
There's no denying the mess
That I got us in
And I've been trying my best
Not to make a scene
Just can't make a sense of it all
It's like my mind is gone

I got … got to get …
Get my head back on
I got … got to get …
Myself together
When this hurt is gone
I got … got to get …
Myself together

I got … got to get …
Can't tell what's going wrong
I wish there's something could be done
Knock that cover
When this hurt is gone
I got … got to get …
Myself together

Can't tell what's going wrong
I wish there's something could be done
Knock that cover
When this hurt is gone
I got … got to get …
Myself together

Vacation Part 1

Firstly, I'd like to thank Sly & the Family Stone for words that perfectly describe the past 10 days for me.

"I'd like to thank you for letting me be myself again"

My vacation was quite a needed one.

I went to my first concert.

I posted a few weeks ago that I got my ticket. Well, the day arrived. It was held at Firestone in Downtown Orlando. We arrived at 7 as per the request of the ticket agent and stood around for well over an hour and a half. I was not aware that this was standard concert protocol, so I was slightly peeved.

At last the first act graced the stage (well, as graceful as a 17 year old in a bustiay can be.) Her name was NATALIA KILLS and she sang a colorful ditty entitled "I'm in Love With a Zombie". Lyrical Brilliance....She also had two 'backup dancers' orbiting her as she strutted around the stage. Ultimatly, she was a decent opening act. And the night went on.

Another hour went by. Much smoke swirled around me and many eyes on TinTin, Jam, and myself. A DJ comes out, distracting the audience and introduces MALUCA. A pretty, tall, black girl comes on stage. She has a long braid down her back and a rope woven into it that extended her hair whip another two feet or so.

Maluca sings latin techno music. Latin. As in, sings in anther languge. Techno. As in, that neverending base line and odd sounds that permeates clubs. Music. Although, I don't personally call what she played music. She kinda moved to the beat. Kinda. She tried to whipper her hair/rope/lasso around. Tried. And she yelled in Spanish. Then, she started having a wardrobe malfuntion. As in, her nip slipped out of her top as she was hopping around in a dog-on-hind-legs fashion. Which made her set fairly hilarious. Swinging her hair, nipple half out, sing-screaming "LUNA, SOL, TEIRRA, FUEGOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" And so the night went on.

And on.

And on.

and an hour after Senorita Maluca's Round up ended, Robyn can. And She was absolutely amazing. I've said before, she is an stunning performer, gives everything she has out on stage. She sounded exactly like her songs, which I hear is quite a rarity. And she played the best she had. Just when I thought she was done she came back and did more. She was completely flawless. Below are two videos from the concert.

A new version of "U Should Know Better"


"Dancing on My Own"



I really couldn't have asked for a better way to loose my concert virginity!


More to come....hopefully

Dream Rant

Do you ever have those times when you finally have a dream where no attempt is made on your life? But its not really a good dream. It's one that stresses you out because it involves anger and dislike and overall distaste about the situation that is going on and all you can do is damage control but it barely does anything because you've never been good at minimizing chaos. But after you drag yourself to semi-conciousness (dragging because of the drugs you took to go to sleep) you have an a lengthy deluge of thoughts compacted into a two minute period...

And you don't wanna retype everything you wrote after "two minute period" because you accidentally deleted it and you still don't understand how and really you feel so tired that all you wanna do is GO. BACK. TO. SLEEP

affirmation

I was parusing my friend Emily's blog, pribbles and prabbles, and I saw she posted this video.




I feel like this might help me in life. You know, get me feeling good about myself and my life. So I'm gonna give it a shot.

My whole life is great!


I can do anything good.


I like my friends.


I like my Cadres.


I like my Dr. Peppers.


I like my tv shows and seeing movies.


I like my Block Parties.


I like my soon to see Julies.


My whole life is great.


I can do anything good. Better than anyone else.

Update

Yes, It's been a while. I often feel like the things I say are not as funny, interesting, or well-written once I finish putting fingers to keys. So I don't. Not as often any way and, even then, it's only if I feel like I can make it look good. So maybe instead, I'll just do one massive update.

I started reading. A lot. For me anyway. And I think I finally found a way to keep it going. I kept trying for ambitious reads, that's what I call them. I very clearly do not have the attention span for that. When I don't get through them with ease, I get frustrated and think reading is not for me. Which is just not the truth. I like reading quite a bit. I even ordered some books on Amazon.com. Can you say, "BOOK FIEND"? Bwahahaa


I read THE HUNGER GAMES series and it was AMAZING. I read them quite rapidly. A month for all three with a short break between 2 and 3 to read THE GIVER (Again, 4 books in a month is quite a sum for me. A spectacular feat). But this series is absolutely my favorite. I'm very excited for the movies to spew forth.


I've seen many movies. The best and most interesting is THE SOCIAL NETWORK. It is about the creation of Facebook by that scoundrel, Mark Zuckerburg. The script (by Aaron Sorkin) is possibly the sharpest, most relevant, wittiest one of the year. I am very partial toward rapid fire dialogue between people that can keep up. It is shot with I wise hand by David Fincher. The casting was great as well. Jesse Eisinberg (I'm sure i'm botching the spelling on all of these names) as Mark, creates an ass of a guy who has heart. And who in the world would think that Justin Timberlake could act. I mean, more than is required for SNL skits. He plays Sean Parker, creator of Napster, and older brother figure to Mark.

Just go see it.

I've been in rehearsals for a new show coming to Disney's Hollywood Studios entitled DISNEY CHANNEL ROCKS. It has been a blast, but very challenging. I'll see if I ever get to to do it.

I got FINAL CUT PRO. Finally!! Four years in the making. I finished my first video project in years. It's about ninja-assassins. Yes, it's dorky and I feel confident you don't wanna see it.

Anyway, that's all for today folks.

Concert Virginity

I have never been to a concert...which seems completely wrong. But all thats about to change as you can see.



I CAN'T WAIT!!

Just sayin...

Sorry little monsters, but you can't deny how similar they look.

1...nah I'm not gonna count. Sorry

Everyday I wake up, wonder why
I'm alone when I know I'm a lovely guy
Birds come down from sky so blue
See all the beautiful things you do
Why can't I just get with you

Every night I carry out my plan
Pray to God that one day I could be your man
Birds come down from sky so blue

See all the beautiful things you do
Why can't I just get with

You'd be my only friend in the world
Well you could just be my girl

And if I do run away from this life
There won't be much for me in the afterlife
Although I know that you don't even care
I'd rather stay in a world where
Birds come down from sky so blue
See all the beautiful things you do
Why can't I just get with you

-"All the Beautiful Things" by Eels

Meditations

I'm starting to feel like I've lost my respect for movies. (I do realize that many of you are scoffing at those opening words. If you've ever heard me talk about Away We Go or any number of films, you will think it's silly for me to say such a thing.)

But it is my feeling. And I believe it to be true. I pondered today on this. 2 years ago, I would see movies alone, dressed nicely (i.e. Jeans and a blazer) to show repsect for the power that I know film has. The medium has changed my life. But it has been a while since I've done a movie old-fashioned, and, in my opinion, the good way. So tonight, seeing as I had no plans, I did a movie; 2008 style. Suited up, got some Wendy's to sneak in, even listed to music I was crazy about then. I'm very glad to say, it worked out and I had a resplendant cinematic excursion.

The film on the docket was Eat Pray Love. Yes, I know the face you're making. However, I'd heard from sources, that I consider reliable, that I should check it out. It is based on the memior by Elizabeth Gilbert, who, after a nasty divorce and a follow-up fling, decides to take a hiatus. She's stuck on the end of a teeter-totter and needs to find some balance. So, she goes on a year long journey to Italy, India, and Bali where she literally learns how to Eat, Pray, and Love (crazy. That's the title.)

It ended up being a very personal experience for me (I won't bore you with the details), but I am very glad I saw it alone. I am a firm believer that your experience with a movie can easily change with an additional member in your party. For some movies, that is ok. Others, I like to see alone first. I end up liking more movies that way.

Going Mad

I had been thinking about starting to watch the television show Mad Men for quite some time. I mean, it kinda seems like something I would watch. Its won critical as well as fan adoration. So, the other, day I downloaded the first season to my portable video machine and I'll just say it is an intruiging 47ish minutes of television.

It takes place in the 1960, as you could see by the dress code. The main man is Don Draper, the creative director of "Sterling/Cooper Advertising Agency" over on Madison Avenue. He, along with 2/3 of the rest of the male characters, are some of the most dispicable people I have encountered in all my years in TV land. They all have wives and they all have at least 1 mistress. To be fair, they do have issues of their own, but seeing a therapist is considered immasculation.

The poor messed up women in their lives. Betty Draper, (Don's wife) is played by January Jones, who is probably one of the most stikingly beautiful women I've ever seen. Betty got married too young, had kids too young, basically settled too young. She has issues. Christina Hendricks plays Joan Holloway, the head lady of the steno pool. She is a mistress. Everyone is in love with her. That must be hard. Did I mention she's a redhead? I have a thing for redheads.

Along with learning about these screwed up people (as well as seeing some of Nixon/Kennedy campaign footage), the show can be quite depressing as well is interesting. All of these people are drowning in lives they aren't happy with.

Maybe that why I like it. I feel like I'm drowning alot.

What I wish I could say is,,,

Though I've tried before to tell her
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart
Everytime that I come near her
I just lose my nerve
As I've done from the start

Do I have to tell the story
Of a thousand rainy days since we first met
It's a big enough umbrella
But it's always me that ends up getting wet

I resolved to call her up a thousand times a day
And ask her if she'll marry me in some old fashioned way
But my silent fears have gripped me
Long before I reach the phone
Long before my tongue has tripped me
Must I always be alone

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she does just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Know I know my love for her goes on

Cinematin Weekend: Female Empowerment Edition (SPOLER ALERT)

Yes, alas another cinematic weekend has occurred. Again, I saw two very different movies aimed at two DIFFERENT sects of people. So...let's get to it.




Salt is another empowered female character for Angelina Jolie to add to her arsenal. Evelyn Salt is a CIA agent accused of being a Russian sleeper agent. Of course, she runs. Because, in movies, you have to prove your innocence yourself rather than leave anything to the authorities. And its a good thing too, since a colleague is actually one of the various said sleeper agents. Angelina definitely pics a type and there is a reason. She's great at portraying those characters. Yes, they are all similar but she makes them different enough that you don't really mind seeing her shooting anything that is a noun, jumping from moving vehicle to moving vehicle, or perhaps, strangling someone with handcuffs.

Salt is your typical summer action blockbuster. However, what I liked most about the film was it went back to one of the most simple concepts in film making. It asked a question. Perhaps blatantly, as seen in the poster above, but it was nice to see a clear, simple question and have it answered. "Who is Salt?"

Was the movie a masterpiece? No. Was it fun and an escape from your bland, no-gun-totting, unrisk taking life? Hell yes!
B




Ok. So The Kids Are All Right is a movie I'd wanted to see for a few weeks. Its indie. Which normally signifies that I will enjoy it. Yeah...I was wrong.

It is a tale of a lesbian couple who's kids decide to meet their sperm donor father and how that decision affects all of their lives. Now, i consider myself pretty liberal for a boy raised in Mormonville, Utah. But I have to say, I felt like so much of the movie was so intensely pro-gay and even a little anti-straight.

That's not to say the movie wasn't well made. It really was (for the most part), well put together. But for a story that involves a marriage that overcomes infidelity, I couldn't see much reason to try and get past the mistake.

Annette Benning and Juliane Moore play Nic and Jules. Nic is a career woman who likes control and red wine. Jules is a trophy wife/house mom who never reached her full potential. From the minute the two share screen time, you know there is some tension. As the story continues (sometimes veering into the realm of unnecessary), you see that rather than being a couple, they are just two people, who it seems feel out of love some time ago. Its become a marriage of convenience rather than love. And while yes, there is something to be said for sticking together through tough times, when infidelity comes into play and the two are already disconnected...well, its hard to root for something like that.

Benning and Moore, both did a great job of crafting their characters. Its the union between them I have trouble buying. I don't really know who to blame for that. Actually I do. Director/Co-Writer Lisa Cholodenko.

I really wanted to like the movie. i was rooting for it. But one thing is evident to me.

The Kids Ain't All Right.

No More Spandex

They successfully saved the world. Back to civilian life (womp womp)

Hang with Robyn

I feel like if you don't know about Robyn, Watch this video and fall in love with her!

DO IT!

Nolan vs. Turteltaub

I am a religious reader of Entertainment Weekly. I get a lot of enjoyment out of this publicataion, until I begin to read the movie reviews.

This magazine has had the same two critics ever since I remember. I have read more reviews by Lisa Schwartzbaum and Owen Gleiberman than I honestly care to say and here is why.

THEY ARE BOTH IDIOTS! Seriously!

I was just reading Mr. Gleiberman's review of the new Disney movie The Sorcerer's Apprentice and he contridicts himself constantly. He names something that is awful then excuses it instantly.

"The Sorcerer's Apprentice is brought to you by the folks who created the National Treasure movies, producer Jerry Bruckheimer and director Jon Turteltaub, and you can imagine them having a meeting in which they said: Let's make a movie in the same vein — only fizzier and dumber, even more kid-happy, with a lot more meaningless effects. In other words: Let's do a movie that makes the National Treasure films look sophisticated. You may think that I'm about to sneer, but I found the ticky-tacky, hocus-pocus foolishness of The Sorcerer's Apprentice appealing in a turn-off-your-frontal-lobes way. Watching the film, you don't have to pretend to care about rescuing the Declaration of Independence, and that's a relief."

NonononononoNONONONONO! You can't say it is "dumber" with "more meaningless special effects" and go on to say you liked it because they movie wasn't about "rescuing the Declaration of Independence". You still want to be taken seriously after that? That is a complete cop out. But then again this is the man that gave Madagascar an A.

Then I flip back a page and see that Lisa Schwartzbaum gave Inception, easily one of the best films out this year a B. Which is what Owen gave Apprentice. How you two dumbasses even put those two films on the same scale, I will never know. Let's compare shall we? Christopher Nolan vs. Jon Turteltaub? Leonardo Dicaprio and Ellen Page vs. Nicolas Cage and...Jay Baruchel? Am I insane here? Is there not a clear winner?

In the event that either of them ever reads this, I will ask one favor.

Owen and Lisa, step down as movie critics of my beloved magazine and for the worlds sake, NEVER WRITE ANOTHER REVIEW FOR ANY FILM EVER AGAIN!

If you'd like to read the full review among others you can do that here

4th of blegh-lie

The 4th of July used to be my favorite holiday. It was the only calm holiday that i experienced growing up (fighting and anger and sadness have tainted the rest of them).

Its not really my favorite anymore. It's gotten tainted like the rest. Yesterday, was particularly awful. However, I accepted that it was gonna be no good early on in the day. Doing so allowed any cheer to increase 10 fold. Here are two items that saved my 4th from dismal obscurity.



The Scissor Sisters' new album Night Work is freaking amazing. I loved their songs "Take Your Mama" and "Laura" so I gave this album a try and I am so glad I did. It cheered me up, how ever minutely.



Yes, this is dorky. I know. A super dork factor is involved for even mentioning it. But it was very helpful in the distraction process.

So thank you Scissor Sisters and Japan for providing me with distractions from the abysmal crap that was my holiday weekend.

Are you angry?

I don't know about the rest of you, but I find myself to be full of anger as of late. I just wanna scream and yell and rip open locked doors (that last one I did earlier). If you feel like you need some music to go with your angry mood, here's my mini-playlist of super angry tunes.

Eminem- My Name Is
Puddle of Mudd- She Hates Me
Sex Pistols- Liar (lyrics for this are actually the entry right before this one. Just scroll down)
Linkin Park- In the End
Metallica- Holier Than Thou
Sex Pistols- No Feelings

Hopefully, you'll be able to stomp out your fury by blasting these songs. I'm not doing so well, with that.

LIAR

Lie lie lie lie liar you lie

lie lie lie lie tell me why tell me why

Why d'you have to lie

should've realised that

you should've told the truth

should've realised

you know what I'll do


You're in suspension

you're a liar


How I wanna know know know know

I wanna know why you never look me

in the face

Broke a confidence just to please

your ego

Should've realised

you know what I know


You're in suspension

you're a liar


I know where you go everybody you know

I know everything that you do or say

So when you tell lies

I'll always be in your way

I'm nobody's fool

and I know all 'cos I know

what I know



you're in suspension

you're a liar you're a liar you're a liar

A lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie



Lie lie lie lie

Liar you lie lie lie lie lie

I think you're funny

you're funny ha ha



I don't need it don't need your blah blah

should've realised

I know what you are



you're in suspension

you're a liar you're a liar

you're a lie

Weekend at the Cinema

I had a cinematic weekend experience. Two very opposing movies in two nights. It was much needed for I hadn't sat in some cushioned stadium seating in near three weeks. It was about time.

The first film on the docket, was the video game-realized Prince of Persia: Sands of Time. I will fully admit that I was skeptical about this one. I mean, it has a very similar look as The Scorpion King and we all know how that turned out. Other odds were working against it as well. Mike Newell was directing. Remember the last big budget project he was given? He made Harry Potter and the Suckfest of Fire. He took a ship that needed a Captain and let it sink after hitting some very jagged rocks. So what was to stop him from doing it with a video game adaptation.
Its staring Jake Gyllenhaal, who, unfortunately, to me has just been the gay-er of the two cowboys for the last few years. Plus, in the trailer he was trying to do some accent that was kinda indistinguishable. Again, there is a crappy predecessor for big budget flicks with an American leading man "using" an accent (Brad Pitt in Troy, for those of you catching up).

But even with those insurmountable obstacles, I have to say, I really liked it. None of the afore mentioned crap-stacles got in its way. In fact, they all contributed to its success. Jake is now Dastan to me, badass acrobat. Mike Newell...well, I'm still really bothered about Harry Potter but this was a good start at making it up. So if you like action/adventure summer popcorn movies, I recommend:




Film 2:
Just Wright
This is definitely one of those chick-flicks that will be lost in time, but that's too bad because it quite enjoyable. Queen Latifa stars as Leslie Wright, a physical therapist who has always been the homegirl never the girlfriend. Common is Scott McKnight, a basketball player with a knee injury to rehabilitate. Cue predictability factor...Now.
Even though you know everything that is going to happen (somethings from the opening credits, some just seconds before) this movie did it with a charming touch. The dialogue is pleasant and witty (although sometimes over-acted. Queen Latifa, I'm talking to you) and gives you a male lead that knows when to take it slow. Common brings a likability to Scott when the character, in other hands, could have turned into douche-city.
There's a scene where Scott's fiancee comes back, after dumping him when he got injured, and wants to go forward with their previous plans of marriage right away. He stops her and says that that's moving way two fast when they JUST got back together.
He's a good guy that actually thinks before he acts. Its about time we had some cinematic representation.
If you want to see a predictable, dude-friendly chick flick, I recommend:

It's safe to dance

Sorry to be so video heavy, but at least it's always awesome stuff. Its from last weeks Glee episode. Its just an killa dance!

I'm not the guy you're taking home...

This video is amazing.



Robyn, I'll be more than happy to come dance with you. No stress, alright? It's gonna be ok.

Faith

I don't know that I have any. I'm working on it. I wish I had it but it is a concept that has eluded me for many years. I grew up in a church where that was a main topic, so you think it'd come alot easier for me but for some reason it doesn't.

Things aren't ok. But I've gotten so used to them being not ok that when things start getting good, I subconsciously mess it up because I don't know how to handle the good times. They come so rarely that I'm unprepared for them. Again, I'm working on it.

I don't have complete faith that things will get good again for a while (my hunch is 2012). Just when I think I hit rock bottom, it turns out

-Rock bottom
--50 ft. of crap
--- then there's me

I do think that hope and faith are different. It's like wanting and knowing. I don't know that things are gonna change. If there's any sort of set pattern, it's not gonna. I'm glad that life seems to be good for everyone else around me. But I'd like some of the good. Just a sip. yeeeeeeeahhhh. A sip of good right now would be amazing.

Hey Julie

Working all day for a mean little man
With a clip-on tie and a rub-on tan
He's got me running 'round the office like a dog around a track
But when I get home,
You're always there to rub my back

Hey Julie,
Look what they're doing to me
Trying to trip me up
Trying to wear me down
Julie, I swear, it's so hard to bear it
And I'd never make it through without you around

Hours on the phone making pointless calls
I got a desk full of papers that means nothing at all
Sometimes I catch myself staring into space
Counting down the hours 'til I get to see your face

Hey Julie,
Look what they're doing to me
Trying to trip me up
Trying to wear me down
Julie, I swear, it's so hard to bear it
And I'd never make it through with out you around
No, I'd never make it through with out you around

[Bridge]
How did it come to be
That you and I must be
Far away from each other every day?
Why must I spend my time
Filling up my mind
With facts and figures that never add up anyway?
They never add up anyway

Working all day for a mean little guy
With a bad toupee and a soup-stained tie
He's got me running 'round the office
Like a gerbil on a wheel
He can tell me what to do
But he can't tell me what to feel

Hey Julie,
Look what they're doing to me
Trying to trip me up
Trying to wear me down
Julie, I swear, it's so hard to bear it
And I'd never make it through with out you around
No, I'd never make it through without you around
No, I'd never make it through with out you around

It's a cruel thing you'll never know all the ways I tried..

So I'm leaving my blog hiatus to share this video. It's by an Sweedish artist named Robyn but she is so amazing. Her performance is heartbreaking and beautiful. Promise you will watch till the end.

Worrywort/Lord of the Rings geek

I feel awful.

Like truly awful.

I slept last night but only because I have a nice nasty cold and got to take some nyquil.

But the preceeding 5 nights I didn't sleep.

I'm worried. I feel that way alot and its only getting more intense. I try to not let it get at me but the worry is a attacking for various angles. I'm not good at keeping an eye on all the angles yet. It's stormed Helm's Deep and I am holed up in the Hornberg (I believe thats the appropriate Lord of the Rings reference).

I don't know how to beat it. I don't know what to do at all. Sauron has taken Osgiliath. I feel like all there is to do is make a final stand. So I ride across the Pelenor fields, Anduril, my blessed sword at my side. Fighting. Bringing down as many orcs as I can before I, myself, am brought down.

In-con-vene-iency

Listen, in the past 66 hours, I have maybe been asleep for ten hours of it. So just bear with me as grammer and things may not be great. Also, I apologize now for the infinite number of times you will hear...read various forms in the word convenient within this entry.

Life has been full to the brim of inconveniencies lately. Here bundle of them I have experienced in the past few days.

-I am being trained in Festival of the Lion King at Animal Kingdom. As a stiltwalker. I don't think I even need to go into the details of that inconveniency. It's pretty self-explanitory.

-Because there are safety concerns, we have brought out last week of rehersals to the stage. Which means that they can't start till after the last scheduled show that day. That puts us in at like 630pm and the rehearsal goes to one am. Also, they have kept me in my casting at High School at the same time. Meaning I have had 3 back to back 16-17 hour days. 8:30 am- 1 am. I am sooooooooooooo indescribeably tired.

-Today, I did Inconvenient Party Bash.

-Not having a car to drive off in at the end of the weekend from hell is not convenient at all.

-Recent confessions that have been made to me. Inconvenient.

-I find it so very inconvenient that I have to watch what I say on my blog. There is always someone I have to edit things for as to not offend. Everyone else seems to get to say and write whatever they want. I wish I could.

-I lent my iPod (Robin, is her name) to a friend for a few hours while I was at rehearsal so they could get some music. Hours later they haven't even made progress at all. Which I find inconvenient because I drive with my iPod. And with no music, I came close to falling asleep on the way home.

-I have been starving since 10:30 last night. By the time I got a chance to remedy that situation, however, every place closed. I have no food in my fridge and at this point, lack of sleep is the thing in more need of fixing so looks like I'm gonna go to bed hungry.

-The location of my new place is just so out of the way and inconventient. So is thrying to climb up to the third floor.

And now things are getting hazy so I'm gonna crash.

Picture This

My friend Tin Tin (who provided the image above) gave his thoughts on the 2010 Best Picture nominations and thus, I thought I'd give mine as well.

Unfortunatly, I cannot speak with a high amount of authority as I have only seen half of the nominees but here are my thoughts. If you hate me after this, well thats unfortunate also.

Of course, you have the Big 5. The films that would still have a nod even if the limit was 5.

- Up in the Air
- Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire
- Inglorious Basterds
- The Hurt Locker
- Avatar

Duh. I can say for certain that the 3 of those I have seen should absolutely be on there. Next are the indies. The movies that, while still great, didn't quite hit the big time.

-An Education
-A Serious Man

Finally, with three nods left to dull out, the Academy chose films that lotsa people saw. I can think of other films that should gotten the chance but what can I say?

- Up
- The Blind Side
- District 9

These last three is where I am pissed. First, Up is...up for Best Picture and Best Animated Feature. I really feel like that shouldn't be an option. We all know it's gonna end up going home with AniFeat so why not leave a slot for a different great work this year? Or if they felt strongly enough that Up is just so fantastic it needs to get put with the big boys, stand by that decision and don't be so afraid that if it didn't win anything Pixar would be upset and we can't have that. Baaaawk bawk bawk.

Oh District 9. I'm absolutely fine for it being up for technical awards because in those respects the film was great. However, if you wanted to give it up to a second sci-fi crowd pleaser, why not give it to a more entertaing and equally well made Star Trek? Booo on that one Academy.

All I can do about The Blind Side is roll my eyes and feel uttery exasterbated. I just...no. sigh

Those be my thoughts. Take 'em or leave 'em.

Home Decour

Ok, I moved. Finally. I finally moved. All up in my new place. Took my one day off and moved in a bed and just bought furniture and was up till one making it presentable. SO of course I wake up at the crack of 7:54 am. Typical.

This entire process feels like its taken entirely too long. Well, I suppose it hasn't but this is really the the first time I've moved into an unfurnished place so it's felt a little crazy. It's been epic.

However, however. It brought me to my first trip to Ikea. And I must say, Sweds are brilliant. Ikea is possibly one of the coolest places I have ever been. I know most of you readers have already had your Ikea cherry popped, so I won't/don't need to list details of said awesomeness. But there were so many room set ups that I just wanna live in. Don't have to move it's location. I'll just move to the 2nd floor of the Ikea building. That's fine. They have a cafeteria too. And one that isn't crazy expensive. And it tastes delicious. Melinda and I took a break from our casual browsing and got some cake.


A bookshelf, table, lamp, and a trip to Chipotle later, I was home to spend the next few hours putting all of the lovely items together. It was quite a day and I'm quite exhausted.

Happy Feb. 4.

Sheets and a Haircut

I bought sheets yesterday. For a bed. Sheets that are gonna be awesome on the bed considering the rest of my new room is void of furniture. I never had to buy sheets before. It was cool.

This is me in my car driving away from GreatClips after a little lowering of the eyebrows (thats an old-timey way of sayin' getting my hair cut. I know things. Its cool. I learned it from Doug).


This particular cut was accomplished by a sassy black lady who has not seen Avatar yet, but its on the top of her list. Her and her husband went and saw The Blind Side and it was amazing as was Edge of Darkness. She had no interest when I told her I was a character performer at Disney and went straight for, "Seen any good movies lately?"

That is my kind of...hair-cutter? Stylist? Barber? (I don't know the correct word for that. I mean, I can't know everything.)

Happy Third of February

It's fine, I guess

Today I hate the rain. There are occasions when I love the rain. Days where all you wanna do is go out and play and jump and kiss amidst the precipitation.

Today is not one of those days.

This morning I am sped to work as usual. I reach the Security...Mistess at 29 thinking I have a whole minute and a half to walk 12 feet to the time-clock. I get to 11 feet and find some 3rd shift hispanic man attempting to clock out. But he can't figure out how to do so. Four or five people are trying to assist but he doesn't understand what is being said and keeps doing it incorrectly. I am pulling my hair out because this is something that hugely irritates me. I don't care if foreigners come here. The US is awesome. The more the merrier. However, here we speak ENGLISH. How rude of you to come here and assume we will cater to your language. Whatever. I'm on a tangent. Pulling back. Guy, you're inability to speak our language is now affecting my day. Which is not ok. Bleegghhh.

It's fine, i guess. I clocked in the last seconds of 8:30.

Next, I get to the breakroom and find that the costume set in my spot is not mine. Instantly, I panic thinking I didn't read my schedule closely enough and I'm supposed to be at MISICI or something. But it turns out, I didn't have the mix up. Costuming did. So when I go try to switch out these clothes for pieces that are my size, I find the costumer has shut herself in with the costumes because "today, she just can't lose focus" and if we all walk in and out she will get all jumbled. Well, guess what sweetcakes? You lost the right to have that "unjumbled" time when you set the wrong freaking costumes.

It's fine I guess. I went in the back way and switched the costumes myself.

Its rainy. Has been all day. Which normally is a good thing and at points today it was good. I am completely exhausted and I needed to rest if I could. However, when it comes to Block Party, I'd so much rather do a Full show than a rainy day drive by. (Most of you won't know what that means, just know that to me (and me alone) a drive by is the suckiest of suckfests.) So the decision was made. Drive by. In the rain. Not thrilled.

It's fine I guess. I was done with work after parade.

So then it starts raining harder and due to the big cheer conference coming up, there is a tent being errected in the front half of the cast parking lot so I have to walk to the back, in the rAAAINNn, to get to my car. Wet and literally dripping, I stop at 7/11 to get a much needed Dr. Pepper. I go to pay and the transaction happens as follows:

Cashier: So will the be all for you?
Casey: yessir.
Cashier: Crazy rain outside. Did it ruin your day?
Casey: Yes, actually it did.
Cashier: Oh, sorry man. My companion went though my phone last night.
How is that on topic? Why is he telling me this? Just be nice.
Casey: Maybe you...should've deleted some things on there
Cashier: Yeah, I should have.
Ok, walking away now.
Cashier (cont'd): But like what was he doing going through my phone?
Whhhhhyyyyy are you still talking to me?
Casey: I don't know man. If you gave him reason not to trust you...
Cashier: He didn't have a reason not to trust me. Now I don't trust him.
Casey, leave now!
Casey: Sory man, Well have a good night.

It's fine i guess. I'm going to sleep now!

Backdate

So this post was originally intended to go up about two weeks ago.

So we're just gonna pretend it was posted:

January 16, 2010

I have recently had resurgance of Nintendo 64ness. My roommate (sadly, she is no longer) brought an N64 from back home and gave me the priveledge of having my own file on her copy of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time! When I was growing up I loved this game. Mostly because it was so challenging. I never knew if I was going to beat it. Fortunatly (or unfortunatly), the friends I did have were NintendoNerds and helped me make it through the game. I honestly cannot express how BAMF N64 is to me.

Anyway, as I got older I set the controller down and had some semblence of a life. I saw semblence becuase it was a quiet, awkward life but at least I had friends and didn't stay home every weekend letting my neurons slowly die out. However, in my Senior year, when my band of friends and I made "a treehouse" (I use quotations cause it was underground, not in the air.) the 1st resurgance took place. We would (NEVER) skip class to play it at times. That was when Dave was super in it though. The 2nd resurgance would be mine.

And so it came to pass, that thanks to one Miss Gordon and the help of her handy aged Strategy Guide, the 2nd resurgance was mine. I beat the game in a lofty 10 days and was fairly impressed at how easy it was for me. Accept the "mini boss" in the water temple. That backed me up a day or two. But nevertheless, I had my day and verily thus. Here's a clip from the brilliance (and yes it was shot on my phone)

Theo

So one of my hopes for 210 is already becoming a faliure. Its the happy one. The last few weeks have just been supernastystress suckage. This new living situation is seeming like a tragic idea. And we haven't even moved in yet. Bleeeeghhhh.

That and I have had no internet or cable for seven days. 1 week. That's all. And I'm going insane. I feel like thats pathetic considering there are kids in Haiti that are still being found under building ruins who haven't had food or water for days. And I can't go a week without internet? I need to readjust my priorities probably.

Anyway, Praise him that I have at least mild internet connection on my phone or I would have even been in a bigger pickle. He had been a trooper. His name (yes, my phone has a name) is Theo. He is a T-Mobile my touch and had a cobalt blue jacket (just like the Jungle Fury Blue Ranger, *winkwink*) and is a complete badass. So I just need to say...

Thank you Theo. You have saved me from certain paril and/or attempted suicide over the past week. I'd be in trouble without you.

For Trevor

My friend Trevor loves emo pictures. His Facebook is full of emo pics of himself. In his honor, I took this a little earlier



in other news, this is my 300th post. And it was brought to you from a different computer as my residence had it's WiFi revoked. And my sanity will be gone before the night is up. But happy frickin' 300th to me.

Working on it

"I don't handle change well."

I've said that numerous times in the past few days and it is still so very true. Well, I think I can handle it alright when I want/need it to happen. But when it leaves things exposed to the mighty powers of the SUCK gods, it makes my aprehensive to take change lightly.

I think that was an unnecessary comment. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't take change lightly. I end up excessivly over-analyzing situations. Let the various outcomes stress me out so intensely that I come to the conclusion that absolutely no change should take place. I know how to live in the current situations. I don't know if I will if the situations evolve or progress. I know that sounds really dramatic, but when you are in that situation, it seems right on the money. I have even realized that I subconciously ruin happy evolvements in my life cause I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to be happy. Thats a change from the present.

Ok, again, that sounds over-dramatic. It's not that I'm not happy. I really am most of the time. I seem to just deny or wreck possibly occurances that will raise my happiness quotient. It's like a little person (a nymph of somekind, perhaps?) is in my brain and when things are getting good, it shuts all acceptance functions down and cranks the freak-out frequencies to 11.

Anyway, not the point. The actual concept I was attempting to target was as follows. A shit-ton of things are about to change/are changing in the next few weeks. I have to move. MOVE. To a new apartment with different roommates. I'm gon have to go to this festival officially. No longer as a civilian. I'm not fully ready for all of this. I'm not sleeping well. Thats not helping.

I'm working on it. Trying.

My Fiancee

Among the many details of my current living situation that I will miss, one of the dearest to my heart is my fiancee, the hot tub.



Full of warmth and grace, the hot tub has seen me through many tough times this year and has helped aid my sanity. Many long talks took place whilst enjoying its set 104 degree waters. It has been a wonderful, useful, lovely amenity the past year and it's a dreary idea to think soon I won't be able to go stick my feet in in the afternoon and crack open a book. I'm very sad to let it go but I might sneak back once in a while to visit my fairweather friend.

Unpleasant

Lets just share the magic of today.

Of course, I didn't sleep well. Lately, I have been having extended, intense, epic dreams about me going back to Utah and it being either exceptionally awful or surprisingly joyful, alternating appropriatly. Either way I don't get a good nights sleep and therefore am unwilling to force myself awake. Last night, specifically, was the former situation. Unpleasatness ensues.

I do my first show and feel a slight twinge in my left lower back. I brushed it off as an oddity and carry on. Post 2nd show the twinge became more of thwap or a jab. Went to the Atheletic Trainer and was told to ice it and if its worse after the next show to come back and see her. The jab became a surge and AthTra told me I pulled a muscle and there was nothing to be done except take it easy and wait for it to heal. I don't try to get out of things so when she spat out "tell them you can't do parade," the concept was quickly rebuked.

Rewind to 2nd show:
My aunty came to video the show to send home home. When it came time to pick a voulenteer for "I Want it All" I thought I'd grab my uncle (who tagged along) to come dawn than bedazzled top hat. So I walk over and he puts his baby boy in my arms. Standing in shock, infant cousin in arms, I start to panic but realize if I don't get back to my spot the rest of the number will get jacked up. So there is video of me holding my 1 year old cousin as a "new broadway star". I panicked because as performers we aren't supposed to hold children and as soon as baby was tossed to me, I thought to myself "this is how I'm gonna get fired. Lovely." Fortunatly, I had an amazing manager who was fine when she fully understood the situation.

That being said, it was an unpleasant day by 4 pm. But of course to add more stress to this situation, I had what is basically a job evaluation in the evening. It went well...i think, but you never know for sure. I am intensely glad I have a day off tomorrow.

the past returns

So these pictures were brought to me recently. They are from almost 4 years ago. So much has changed...clearly. For one, I learned how to smile in a picture. Enjoy this Blast from the past.



Dave and I...after he poked me in the eye?



Nessa and myself...feelin' slightly angry?



Romney's brother, Romney, Dave, and me...kickin' butt at Super Smash Bros.



Ju Ju and her gorgeous smile...not sure what's going on on my face.



Alas, the piz-de-resistance. Bry and myself. Everything about this picture is different now. Save the fact that both its inhabitants are still alive.

hope

About a year ago, I named a batch of hopes and wishes that I desired to come to pass in 2009. Paroozing them, I came to find that nearly all of them occured. That's good...right?

Here are some of my hopes for '10.

I hope that these seasons of Lost and 24 are just as amazing (if not more) than last year.

I hope that I can become a better performer by the end of the year.

I wish to learn some new roles at the company.

I wish for an Emmy nod for Diablo Cody. Her show United States of Tara is freaking incredible. I just finished the first season.

I didn't get all those degrees happier. So I hope I can manage to catch up and even add 4-5 more.

I wish for a relationship this year. I have lots of room for growth in that department (...dirty).

I hope to make it back to Utah some more this year.

I wish for health and happiness for my loved ones.

I hope more books will catch my fancy this year. I read 5-6 novels which I think is the highest quota of my life. That may not sound like alot, but for me thats quite impressive.

Well, those are my hopes and wishes. You got any?

Cinematic Contemplations: '10 edition

2 movies. 2 days. My thoughts? Here goes.


Avatar was really awesome. Epic. Here's the concept. High tech Pocahontas in space. Replace the native indians with crazy tall cat creatures called the Na'vi. Switch out John Smith (JS) for a parapalegic, jarhead named Jake Sulley (JS). And take out gold and put in a mysterious valuable substance called Umbium (I think that's what it's called. I couldn't really understand Giovanni Ribisi).

It is one of the most visually beautiful movies I have ever seen. James Cameron created a world (Pandora) that is so full of color and life. Every new animal we encounter shows more creativity and artistry than the last. It was so good that I'm going to see it again...wait for it......in 3D! And I don't do 3D so you know its a big deal.


My thoughts on It's Complicated are just that. Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep have chemistry in a way, but, at the same time, feel mismatched. Both have great moments in the film. Unfortunatly, it was not enough to convince. My personal favorite part of this movie was John Krasinski as the son-in-law to be who becomes unwillingly privy to his in-laws affair.

Overall, Nancy Meyers' latest rom-com for the elderly was only okay. Hey, maybe that should be the title of her next movie. Only Okay starring Michael Cain and Helen Mirren.